im back..... i think

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hopefully it felt good to have a voice and get your feelings out there @outlander .... but you know what ? People like that make a sport out of pushing your buttons until they get a reaction out of you.

Well, they got one today ..... and if it helps you that you got to express that frustration, that is something good that has come of it, but I would encourage you to see this a different way ......

The more reactive you are, the more you feed their little game, and give them fuel to say that you are really badly behaved while acting like they are completely innocent.

The best way to handle bullies is to disempower them ...,. take away their fuel, their capacity to have any effect on you ...., and avoiding them is the best first step if you can. If you turn up and they are there, turn around and come back another time .... or jump on your horse and ride away, doing the rub-down work after they have left.

Remove their toy .... that being you ..... and the novelty will wear off for them.

[outlander]

I know @Faith-and-Hope i know it was wrong but it was getting so hard to ignore and the fact i was on my own made it harder to ignore.
Ive been avoiding both of them. Im still polite to mums friend as well. I dont contact them. I deleted them off fb i avoid the times they are there which is about 9-11 oclock or around 4pm do i try to go later than 11 or beforw 4 unless i have my sisters with me. I wont budge for them while my sisters are there. Its more important that my sisters are seeing their horses.
I was seeing it your way to start with. Ignore them and it wont ignite the fire and they will eventually give up but its getting harder to do

[Faith-and-Hope]

First of all @outlander, how you responded was not wrong ..... it was just one way to respond, and the one you either chose, or fave into in the moment as a way of relieving the pressure you were under ... this is not wrong.

If you can, any time you are forced into some sort of interaction with them through circumstance, try role modelling ..... acting a part .... where you are a very polite stranger. From playing that role, it will become easier to actually adopt a polite but disinterested stance with them, which will ruin their game. In the meantime, it provides you with a game of your own .... you can challenge yourself to keep your cool no matter what they do ..... challenge yourself to not respond and what what silly extremes they go to to try to capture your attention. You can have a secret smile to yourself when you realise it's working ..... but I suggest you don't share it with your sisters cos in a bratty little sister moment they may use it against you.

💙

[outlander]

@Faith-and-Hope i can try to do that. I was polite to them any other time id say hi and bye to them as well but it didnt help me either they are still doing the same thing.
Im going to try and keep being polite but i dont know how the next interaction is going to go this time though. We werent quite civil though theu were having trouble getting any remarks out as they have nothing and theu knew they are the ones in the wrong

[outlander]

So role modelling? @Faith-and-Hope no matter what they do remain polite is that all?

[Faith-and-Hope]

I would t even offer them a hi or bye at this stage @outlander, unless something changes dramatically, or unless they say hi or bye to you, politely, not sarcastically.

All anyone can ever do is their best @outlander .... as much as it might be weighing on you at the moment, try to crowd them out of your thinking too, because their bullying also becomes active if you carry it on in your own mind, turning it over and over and remaining engaged with it even when they are not there .....

Being visual, try this ..... in your mind's eye, pick up a giant broom ..... sweep them and all their rubbish out the door and slam it shut. Any time it raises itself in your thinking again, repeat this image with the giant broom and the slamming of the door .....

💙

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yep (re role mod lking question above) ..... remain polite but aloof .... completely unavailable to them as much as you can be while you are moving in the same space ..... like they are of no consequence to you at all, and leave their company as quickly as you reaps ably can, especially if their behaviour deteriorates. Treat them like naughty children that have nothing to do with you .....

[outlander]

Its already affecting me @Faith-and-Hope i know its not name calling but it is playing around alot with my self eateem4 and its not helping with my depression or anxiety either

So just ignore them unless they are nice to me but i very much doubt that and i dont trust them anyway so its hard now

Ill keep trying to use that image to push them.out though

[outlander]

So pretty much pretend they arent there?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Anony18 ..... took me a while to realise that there are two threads with the same name - one on Carers forum and one on LE forum ...., And you and I are both chatting to @outlander about the same topic without realising .... lol ..... so I have tagged you iver here to bring you up to speed with the role modelling comments I have been making, to avoid confusion.

The role modelling is essentially what you are suggesting too, I have just been terming it differently.

💜