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You did well as community guide and once being in that role, a lot of the positives stay with us.
I also withdrew from the role, as I wanted to retain my full autonomy and independence and not be reduced to that role. Still, as you say it was a privilege. A lot of the the sharing on this forum is valuable and nurturing for me. Keeps me in contact with the reasons for living.
Its great when plants become established and flower. I do not see growing and gardening as just about the flowers, but they are a good sign the plants are happy and thriving. My garden and the surrounding area had all been cleared back to clay for building, so with the exception of one peppercorn everything has been planted from scratch. It has been 20 years now and even though I divide and propagate a lot, a lot of those plants are takinng deep root and coming into their own. It is good to see and be part of.
Sounds like you have a big space like Jacques. Satisfying when it all comes together.
Gardening also gives me plenty of understanding about how difficult it was for my sibs and I with all the uprooting and changes growing up. I become more philosophical about it, as it was part of the natural limits of things, and helps me deal with blame better. Yet various feelings still come up from time to time.
Still that is life and we take the next step or learn to be accepting with sitting still ....
Son situation is delicate and evolving as I am sure you understand from your love of your own sons.
Online friends have helped me hang in there. A big thank you to you.
Friends and feeling accepted as we are, cannot be taken for granted. Yesterday we missed our redevouz, but later reconnected, then came home and I cooked while he 'conversed' with my son. It has been intense and tricky and I have my heart in my mouth, and my mind pleading with God, a lot concerned about son giving offence and getting along. Newest friend is juggling Covid border restrictions so it is a waiting game for permission from on high. Last night he again suggested he did not understand my lack of confidence in being a woman. I am getting better at holding onto my own self. The damage my mother and her family did was significant.
My old way held a lot of people pleasing as I was very needy. I really could not afford to set limits or boundaries, just hang on and survive the ride. It was not that I had no morals and or ethics. It was simply the world I was thrust into. This week I had a call from a woman I have known for 50 years. Our personalities, politics and education are very different, but there is a lot of loyalty due to going back so far.
I guess I am learning levels of human connection, from distant courtesy, obligation, goodness vs self righteousness, to friendship and affection.
I have not been to the zoo since early last year due to lockdowns.I will always value my volunteering years and retain some connection, but my interest is returning to music making and joining a local church.
hi @Sophia1 hugs my friend, i was wrong they are snap dragons not dragons tongue, here is a photo so you can see.
yes, i get that a lot o go out side and i come straight back in because i don't have the energy or motivation, i don't know if it is the depression or just lack of energy causing it.
yes i get the same here, i get berrated for wearing a mask, people hug and kiss and talk standing side by side here, it is so disheartening. people just refuse to do the right thing, i even had a lady yell at me for wearing a mask.
no, no pets, i had some mice and a bird when i was a teenager, but nothing since, i can't afford to look after a pet, so i don't have one. it would be nice to have a companion, but i manage.
yes @Sophia1 i did the same, i put so much energy into others in real life and the forums and not put myself into these senarios, it can be really energy zapping sometimes, i find just managing what i can do at any given time and be comfortable with that.
hey my virtual mum @Appleblossom yes, i might take on the role as community guide some day, just happy to chat to anyone at the moment and take time out when i need to.
i have a lot of fond memories on this forum, i hope it continues to grow and nurture. it is an amazing space and i have great respect for all the staff involved.
well hugs to both of you, it is cold here and im going to try to get warm.
jacques
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