Our stories
Hi and welcome to Sane @TheRenegade345 🖐😊
It's incredibly brave of you to voice your pain as you have. I've read each post on this thread with interest as I too live alone and don't feel confident with finding a life partner. Although my story differs from yours greatly, the premise of feeling isolated and fearful of a lonely future is similar.
I've noticed a lot of anger developing as you disclose more about your experiences. I get this. It's understandable considering your age and need for intimacy. At the peak of your sexuality, feeling there's no prospect of companionship and being exacerbated by failed attempts, it's no wonder life's baring down on you.
You asked in your first post was there someone who could help you understand what's wrong and how to approach things. I'd like to try if that's ok.
Communication is at the core of every relationship no matter what the origin. Depression and anxiety don't help; even the smallest amount of pressure causes [us] to withdraw, defend our position or go into panic mode. Considering this, how you respond to people and situations is a good place to start.
Judgeing people for how they respond to you is far easier than self assessing especially when you feel threatened or anticipate failure. I know this first hand as it's been one of the most important recovery tasks since my breakdown.
Self-assessing, identifying areas of concern, developing steps to address my deficits, then practicing each step to change the dynamics and 'flow' of my conversation style, for me, was undoubtedly the hardest challenge I've faced in my adulthood. The rewards though are far more rewarding than I could've imagined.
Getting caught up with 'the big picture' can confuse and frustrate to the point of exhaustion. It's when you narrow down the topic of concern that 'ah-ha' moments begin to appear.
What they think, feel, say or do can never be controlled by you. No matter how giving, pleasant or sociable you are, people will just keep being themselves. I learned this the hard way; people pleasing until I caused my own demise. I stayed in toxic relationships, tolerated fools, gave of myself until I was spent and blamed myself for their treatment of me.
That had to stop for me to regain control of my life.
I've written quite a bit today. If you're interested in chatting, I'd be more than happy to continue talking. Could you please hit the 'thumbs up' button and use my 'username' when responding as this will alert me on the notification board. (Press @ and a drop-down menu will appear. Hit my tag name which will then appear in the post)
I log-in a few times a day so I'm bound to see the notification. Please don't be too concerned if I don't get back to you straight away ok.
Take care...
Kind thoughts;
Hope 
👵
Hi again @TheRenegade345
You've written about the woman who said she had a good time, twice now. It struck me as odd that you said she never got back to you. Knowing women as I do, (because I am one lol) it's very likely your lady friend is feeling the same way you are because it's traditionally the gentleman who responds after a first date. Please correct me if I'm wrong ok. The way you explained it means you waited for her to call you; is this right?
Although traditional concepts within relationships seem to be disappearing, deep down women still want to feel protected, supported and desired and; men usually want to feel appreciated, supported and looked up to. Both, want to be loved and feel love towards another.
Now obviously this is the ideal, but in most male/female relationships the brain is predominantly set on 'survival of the species mode'. Without it we wouldn't even bother. It's this drive that causes us much of the social trials we go through.
Navigating social conformity's when pursuing or being pursued has become difficult as our primal habits have been completely twisted and in some cases reversed, by powerful modern influences. The confusion this causes our 'brains' can run deep, especially when we, (vulnerable people with MH issues) go against these primal norms.
Because we're susceptible to slights that others might fob off, things can really take a turn for the worst.
Communication isn't just verbal; it's our body language that really 'gets in'. Did you know that our brains have the capacity to count how many times a person blinks each minute while conversing with them? Obviously we have filters that protect us from such information, but it demonstrates just how powerful our brains can be when it comes to observing each other during mating rituals.
These are the basics I'm referring to...which brings me to your familial upbringing. You haven't mentioned your family. This is where we first learn how to relate to the opposite sex, then those lessons carry through into school and relating continues to develop.
It's really helpful to look at this period of your life to identify if you carry any qualities from previous relationships (such as parents) and, who you're subconsciously drawn to as a partner. (And why) You mentioned school not being a particularly enjoyable experience which may have a baring on your current situation.
Anyway Renagade, I could talk about this for days. I've done so much work on myself and studied the theory of 'me', there's loads of interesting stuff sitting there waiting to be passed on. That's my gift to others...
I hope your day's going as well as can be expected.
Take care;
Hope 👵
