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Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

 

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@Former-Member 🌸💜💕

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member  Sherry the pea misses you :(. Are you okay? Miss my early morning friend :(xxxx

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member ❤💚💚💚

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

🌸🌺🌻🌼 @Former-Member  🌼🌻🌺🌸

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Where are you ?

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member HeartHeartmeerkat hugs.jpg

 

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Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi I was wondering how you found your CBT treatment as my CBT treatment also involved Gross exposure therapy for a couple of sessions in a hospital then home back in when I found I was worse then several more stays and spasmodic Exposure therapy. I have found my life is way way worse now. Nightmares no self worth and just not wanting to go out. I have been told EMDR IS a good treatment but I will not try it after what has happened post the CBT. Have you tried or do you know someone who has had EMDR successfully. Regards Maxi7

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Really missing you @Former-Member Not the same here without you Hon. Sending you my love and hugs and hoping very much that you are doing as well as you can Heart

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Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thanks @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Molliex @Gazza75 @Faith-and-Hope @greenpea @Maggie @outlander @BlueBay @Appleblossom @Owlunar @Peri @Starta @eth  and anyone else I may have missed.  Apologies in advance for a long post. I just need to get all this out ... its eating at me.

 

The Managers here have tried to reassure me but I'm just not feeling safe or secure right now. I feel that just one little mistake from me and I'll be in trouble. I feel very vulnerable and highly anxious .. even a little panicky.  

 

Past experience (elsewhere) tells me that when I'm most in need of understanding and support ... when I'm in a bad way, as I am now ... that's when the pin gets pulled.  That's when I get cut off from online support ...  banned ... without explanation or warning, and no way back.  No discussion entered into, no second chances given. A lifetime ban. Cruel, uncaring and highly negligent of them in my opinion. Definitely a distinct lack of due care on their part. Especially when I had given so much to that forum, as an official volunteer for a period of time. But I was cut off completely, and that included any contact with managers. My email was promptly added to the 'reject' list, phone calls ignored.

 

That's just how it happens ... right? For me, at another forum, that's exactly what happened. Why?  Because I asked them to remove a post I'd made. You cannot edit posts on that forum, you have to request managers to make any changes or deletions.  I was upset at the time and I'd inadvertently disclosed something personal. Upon my request to change or delete that post, I was promptly told I was making work for their staff and was banned on the spot. Clearly they were just waiting for any excuse to get rid of me.  Not sure why, though I suspect, with me having worked behind the scenes, they were aware of how much I knew about how they operated and how unfair they were to many members.

 

At least Sane are different to that other forum where I was so badly let down.  Here they try to help you through any difficulties, they consistently offer assistance. They try to reassure you, and they even seem to understand. So why do I feel so insecure?  I guess the damage has already been done. My past experiences, and the horrible feelings and events associated with them, have stayed with me.  That other forum definitely added more baggage to my already existing trauma's. I know I'm a little crazy, mixed up, maybe a bit too sensitive. I'm not a horrible person though, I care about people, I want to help others, and I always do my best to do the right thing. I know sometimes I get things wrong.

 

But right now ...  I cannot get my head around the possibility of again being cut off from the only support I now know.  When it happened last time, I was a complete mess for months afterwards. I was devastated, upset, angry, confused as to how and why it happened and indeed how it could be allowed to happen as it did. I had nobody to turn to then, nobody to talk to about what had happened. I was cut adrift and left to be tossed around in a turbulent sea. There were times I had no desire to even try to make it back from that. I made a stupid and clumsy attempt on my life, and ended up in hospital. I cannot let that happen again.  I just can't .. it isn't me. I'm the sensible one.  Aren't I?  I always used to be anyhow.  But now, I'm not so sure.  I don't even know when that changed. Not sure I want to know really. Too much has happened. Way too much.

 

So I've not been posting much over the past month, and have had several longish breaks.  But in so doing, I realise I'm only succeeding in isolating myself. I'm doing to myself, what they did to me.  I'm depriving myself of the only support I have available to me right now, support which I badly need.  But how do I go about feeling safe again? How do I reconnect with all the beautiful people here whom I value and respect so much? I really need you guys. So how can I reassure myself that this isn't all going to be taken away from me again?  How do I ease this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the erratic heavy beating heart and the uncontrolled shaking limbs.  It happens every time I try to post.  Simple fact is that I'm afraid to post.  I'm afraid of doing something wrong, of providing an excuse to get rid of me. Any excuse will do.

 

I'm such a mess! My brain is reeling. I've been utilising the online chat services all last week. But I know they can offer only limited help. Cannot phone any help lines because when I'm like this I can't talk ... I choke, clam up, and no words get out. So I don't waste their time, or mine, by phoning. But it's reassuring to know they're there. I accept I have to do something more to help myself. But, I'm not sure where to start.  My psych is away for the next couple of weeks, so I don't feel it would fair to phone or email her. 

 

So that leaves me here ... what do I do? Should I even be here? I'm no good to anyone else right now.  And I keep getting things wrong. Couldn't even post to a joke thread last week without stuffing up and getting that wrong too. The old PC ... how do you work around that minefield?  I guess I'm used to always being wrong.  Hubby's always telling me that too. Bless her, I think @Lauz  tried to make me feel better about my stuff-up last week by giving me a mention on the monthly wrap. Sweet gesture, but it clearly wasn't deserved. And to me, it only emphasised my error. This afternoon I logged on for the first time in 6 days, and have made a few posts to people I care about.  But already I'm feeling like a cat on a hot tin roof ... worried I've said or done something wrong ... again. Just feeling so insecure right now. But I have to try because I'm not handling isolation or self exile at all well.

 

Sherry 💔

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member  🕊️ 

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