Lived Experience Forum

[Hope4me]

Wonderful post @Zoe7! 🤜🤛 I agree with every word and, congratulations on your ability to express it considering your current symptoms. Just great!

@Doglover, I hope your decision doesn't seem urgent, it's a tough one for sure so please continue to take your time. Here for you...

[Zoe7]

Thanks for the compliment @Hope4me It was actually an easy post to write in response to both yours and @Doglover 's. EMDR can effect different people in different ways and it just so happened that my experience under the circumstances was very negative. That should not sway your decision at all @Doglover as you are the only one who can rightfully know what you can and cannot deal with. Discuss it with your psych and make an informed decision based on your needs and what you feel you can deal with going forward.

[eth]

Hey @Doglover   As I said, it's working for me.  I strongly react to anyone telling you it will or won't be ok for you.  Yes it's hard work sometimes but I am seeing the benefits, which I spoke of earlier. 

However I was seeing this psychologist for over 18 months before we started the EMDR and developed a very deep trust and strong therapeutic relationship with her in that time.  She is highly trained in trauma informed therapy which is important for me as I have complex PTSD from numerous assaults, dv and sa too.  I also found plenty of online studies in favour of EMDR for complex PTSD in particular.  Plus my psychiatrist recommended it too.   But there's never been a set no. of sessions, or program to be stuck to, like it sounds like your psychologist is recommending.  Correct me if I'm wrong.

For me the talking therapy is extremely helpful too.  I also have bipolar 1 and managing that is a constant effort too.  I am listened to, validated and helped to work out strategies to deal with current issues as well as past experiences.  I never feel like I'm just raving for no reason or benefit.

I also want to add that my psychologist charges $175 per hour and with the MHCP you get back $126.50, so the gap is only $50.  Even tho' I'm on a pension I think it's a worthwhile investment and when my MHCP ran out I still went fortnightly.  Then I fought for 1 1/2 years and was eventually accepted to NDIS which funded me for weekly psychology for the 40 or so weeks the MHCP didn't cover.  So I've now been seeing the same psychologist since about April 2017.  Maybe I just got lucky, but I spent many  years trying different psychologists before that.  And none of them ever charged as much as it sounds like yours wants to.

I feel like I could go on and on here and don't want you to think I'm urging you into it.  Just telling exactly how it is for me.  I've had major traumatic events at least every few years since I was 10 and now I'm 56.  I've been seeing psychologists on and off since I was 15.  This is the first type of therapy that has me feeling like I'm actually making progress, not just in a holding pattern.  Nuff said probably.

Take care, Eth

[utopia]

@Doglover .

My honest opinions on emdr from my own experience. 

I had about 5 or 6 sessions before the EMDR started,  to make sure when I'm in a panic situation,  remembering the past,  that I was able to focus on my breathing and come out of that episode. 

The reason - you must experience the trauma and how you felt at that point.  To really feel it now,  to do the EMDR. 

EMDR worked really well with me.  I think for a number of reasons. 

1. It had only been about a year since my trauma happened. 

2. I only had one trauma to deal with.  Not multiple traumas on multiple days. 

3. I was able to calm down via breathing exercises,  to come back to the here and now. 

So I'd recommend this therapy for people who feel it may be of benefit to them. 

For multiple traumas - I don't know how successful it would be. 

[Doglover]

Hi again @Appleblossom .

Its good to know that seeing a psychologist regularly has helped ur outlook and mental life Apple. I dont want to b wasting what precious little money we have.

"I believe that if men cannot understand and be compassionate to their life partner, something is going on that needs both sides to work on things, and its not just a mental illness thing." I completely agree with u. Me now having this MI has exposed some serious deficits and gaping holes in my relationship with my husband. We both love each other very much, but often his treatment of me leaves a bit to be desired. He doesnt understand MI, and doesnt rly want to understand. He just cant comprehend it and that leaves him frustrated, agitated and annoyed, which at times gets taken out on me. Other times he can b quite compassionate, but i never know what im going to get. He can only handle me talking about how it is for me, what im going thru, my fears etc on the odd occasion and in small doses, so the rest of the time i hav to just stay quiet about it. Its very very difficult. I hav spoken to him about going to marriage counselling but he is not particularly open to the idea and we cant afford it anyway.

Im really sorry ur marriage ended Apple, but it sounds like u hav worked thru a lot of things and are in a good place with it now. I certainly wld not want my marriage to go the same way. I wish we cld get some counselling but doesnt seem likely at this stage. I have even encouraged him to go to one of those organisations that specifically help ppl that are living with/caring for someone with a mental illness, but hes not exactly keen on that either. I thought it would be rly good for him to b able to talk to ppl that understand and get some things of his chest and have that support but nothing doing there!. Its very hard to get him to do nething that might help us. Its very frustrating. I love my husband very much, and i know he loves me, but this situation is not only taking a massive toll on me, but on him and our marriage also. I just wish he wld b more amenable to getting some help. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Doglover 

I haven't read all the replies you received, but some that voiced concerns, and others that were positive.

I can share my personal experience, and this is and will be different for everyone, and what I have personnally learnt over the years. Some of my trauma, what my therapist and me have uncovered over the years, stretches back into infancy. I don't have memories as I was too young and I don't have many memories of traumas throughout childhood, but remember traumas in adolescence and early adulthood. This is with my current therapist.

I had bad experiences with previous psychologists and psychiatrists. I wasn't conscious of traumas / dismissing them, and the psychologists/psychiatrists did not spend sufficient time to uncover trauma / do trauma mapping as @eth mentioned. I think any trauma would be difficult to treat in 12 sessions, and complex trauma most certainly wouldn't be. I'm probably close to 200 sessions 😞 my therapist adjusts the treatment depending on how resilient I am.

In retrospect for me working on my personal complex trauma, whether it was emdr, psychoanalysis, exposure therapy... was like poking in a bees nest, probably more wasps. I'd work on one part of one trauma, and unleash other parts or other traumas, and yes, it was retraumatising. I was yearning for a quick fix and wanted to do everything to push through and push through quickly. It did not work.

So in answer to your question, I believe that all of those types of therapy do work, but it depends on the individual, their own history, their diagnosis and their treating team. For example CBT doesn't work for me, DBT does. It's the same with medication, and you and I have discussed that in another thread. Everyone is different.

If I was back at the beginning of my (conscious) MH journey, I would use the answers you are getting here on the forum to write your own questions for your psychologist. It sounds like you liked your psychologist in first session and that's a great start. Ask your questions and discuss them with your psychologist and see how you feel after that.

@DogloverI wish I could give you a clear cut answer. I can't. All I can say is keep asking, keep learning and be brave to stand up for yourself and be in the driver seat of your recovery - because you are worthy!

[Appleblossom]

@Doglover 

I agree with @utopia  and @Former-Member 

with complex truama it would need a broader approach and LOTS more sessions.

Often EMDR is only one aspect of therapy, your counsellor may be able to offer other things.

Yes I did not want to leave my marriage, but no doubt now it was the right thing for ME to do. We are better as individuals and it was better for the children. Our situation was challenging. Often men have difficulty with emotional stuff and go it alone.  If you feel he really loves you then of course it is worth it ... 

[Doglover]

Hi @Hope4me ,

Thank u for ur response and sharing ur thoughts and experience with me.

I wasnt aware of that research but thank u for advising me. I rly appreciate ur insight and  take on the healing process.

"focusing on the present is a far more gentle avenue to desensitise" - this does make sense. Somehow going back and reliving the trauma seems an aggressive approach. I can see how it wld hav the potential to retraumatise ppl.

"Learning about ourselves and our current reactions is a far gentler way to understand the 'why's'." Is this something u have done with the help of a therapist/psychologist? Trying to work out if it is worth my while seeing a psychologist on a long term basis without doing emdr. What has been ur experience in that regard @Hope4me ? U seem very insightful about urself, has that been developed thru therapy?

Thanks again Hope, i rly appreciate u taking the time to share.

[Doglover]

Wow @Zoe7 , u hav taken so much time and given so much thought to ur response. Thank u. I really appreciate it.

The thing for me is that i hav phobias that i just cant get past that stem from certain events in the past. I was hoping emdr wld help with that, but not worth it if its at the expense of retraumatising myself! You hav bn amazingly blessed to hav the support that u hav. My gp left the clinic (and she was a very hard woman) so i transferred to another gp at the same clinic who has bn on long service for months, probably just got back now i think. Did ur gp bulk bill u for all of those apptments? My gp is not bulk billing me so i hav to go there as infrequently as possible bcoz i just cant afford it. Wow, i wish i had the sypport u had, and still do. Not that it makes things ne less difficult, but just to b supported like that wld b so good.

Wow, what hapnd to u with the emdr sessions sounds rly serious - i hate to think what wld hav hapnd without that wonderful gp of urs!

" It is not like I don't know the effects the past have had on me - I am very much aware. So a lot of the work we have done over the last couple of years have been working on living more in the present and learning to deal with those negative feelings I have about myself. I do not need to revisit the past to do that - I very much know the origins of those feelings and is serves me no purpose to go back there" - this makes a lot of sense. U express urself so clearly.

You are very blessed to hav such a supportive work environment. Thats one thing im rly scared of. Its bn 8-9 months now since iv bn off work and im so scared they are going to terminate me before i am well enuf to go back to work. It gives me some hope that ur workplace held ur job open for 2 years. I hope mine will show me that same kindness and support. You certainly r fortunate to hav that wonderful support from ur colleagues.

I am sorry that life is still often a struggle for u, but glad that u get a lot of satisfaction from ur work. Every day for me is torture at the moment, and has been for 9 months, so i can certainly relate. I seem to react very badly to medications and they hav not been able to find anything long term that suits. Each one i try seems to make my symptoms worse, so im not overly hopeful about recovery. Each day rly is torture with all the symptoms i hav and i hav lost all pleasure and enjoyment in life. Its devastating, not just for me, but for my husband also.

I rly appreciate ur very sage advice @Zoe7 . You hav provided me with really valuable information from ur experience and hav given me important things to consider. Thank u so much for all the time u took to do that, and for being so willing to share ur experience with me.

Thank u. 💚

[Doglover]

Hi @Hope4me , i concur re @Zoe7  's post. She expresses herself so eloquently. More importantly, what she wrote, and u also, has been very very helpful and given me things to consider that i otherwise wldnt hav. So a big thank u to u both.

The decision did seem urgent (ie: for monday) but having read all the responses, im not going to push myself to make a decision for monday, unless its in the negative. I guess thr is a certain appeal that comes with something that cld potentially b a "quik fix" in comparison to years of therapy, but its not sounding worth the risk based on what u and Ali and others hav said. So far i hav only had 1 person say they hav had a positive experience with emdr (still hav some responses i havnt got to yet tho) but the overwhelming theme seems to b either dont do it, or tread very carefully. I rly appreciate everyone taking the time to help me with this decision. 

Thank u for ur support @Hope4me .

Doglover 💛