Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mimi]

This is a horrible disease which has wrecked my family.  Almost impossible to treat because patients won't stay on their medication. My experience of a partner with this illness is that I wish I had left when it was diagnosed.  I can't help him anymore.  He has become violent after years of verbal and emotional abuse of the family.  I now understand that he will never be better.  He will always relapse. I am divorcing him and moving on.

[Zahlia]

Hi Mimi,

Firstly, a warm welcome to the SANE Australia Community! I'm so glad you have joined us and shared your story. 

I'm so sorry to hear you have had such terrible experiences with this illness. You must have a lot of strength and resilience to have supported him for such a long time. 

If you are interested, there is a post here and also one here that you may find useful as these members have also struggled dealing with their relationships and a partners mental illness . 
And here is a post that discusses delusional disorder if you are also interested.

Are you and your family safe at the moment from the emtional and verbal abuse? You definitly do not deserve to go through that.

We're always here to listen if you need to vent more.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Zahlia

[Appleblossom]

Welcome @Mimi

I tried to heal a person with serious MI and it took a serious toll on me and my children. I hope you find the forum a place were you can get ideas from others experiences and share if you want to. Cheers.

[Mimi]

We are safe at the moment - he has left and I will be taking out an AVO.  We haven't had any support excerpt each other up until now but we have got to the point of having to reach out to police, DV support services etc..  Thank you for your support.

[Mimi]

thank you Apple Blossom, l have tried and tried as has his Dr.  I feel so bad as I know it is an illness but I just can't help him.

[Appleblossom]

There comes a time when you do need to put down boundaries for yourself and children.  Once they are established which may mean more tension for a while ... things may get better .. I have seen it with my piano students; during or after separations etc ... you need to take a longer term view and do what you feel is best ... his MH is up to him to deal with and when he stabilises it could be better for all.

I never did go back to my partner .. we have been separated 13 years now .. we are all happier for it.

Take Care

[Janna]

My soon to be ex-husband suffers with an undiagnosed personality disorder.  I stayed with him for years and our family was also subjected to verbal and emotional abuse ++++.  Over the last 2 years things went from bad to worse and he also developed paranoid delusions.  He believed that I wanted to murder him and even went to the trouble of having a deadlock placed on his bedroom door so he could sleep in peace.  He believed that he was at the epicentre of a conspiracy to bring him down and that I was the orchestrator of it.  His worsening mental health also was the catalyst which tipped me over the edge and gave me the courage and strength to leave.  I simply could no longer tolerate living with his insanity and abusive behaviour.  I've been out for 3 months now and  feel so much better within myself.

If you are planning to leave can I suggest that you plan this very carefully.  Leaving abusive relationships is very difficult and can be very dangerous, particularly when the abuser suffers with a mental health disorder and particularly when delusions are involved.  I would highly recommend getting a DV Caseworker through your local community health centre.  Addtionally 1800Respect are excellent counsellors who fully understand the complexity of abusive relationships and can offer very sound advice and counselling to assist you. 

Just remember that safety comes first.  If you're partner suspects that you are going to leave, you can expect an exacerbation in his delusions and abusive behaviour.  Many delusions are born out of anxiety - in fact they often are an extreme form of anxiety.  Any situation/condition which would make him feel anxious (such as you leaving) will increase his anxiety and the intensity/severity of his delusions.  This is precisely what happened with my husband.  

You need to develop a well thought out plan and be very strategic.

I fully understand where you're coming from.  I also had to cross the bridge to fully undersand that my husband was incapable of change and unwilling to be helped.  Unlike your partner my husband possesses 0% insight and did not believe he had a problem and therefore never went to seek professional help/treatment.   Leaving had to be done - our entire family was in a shocking state of dysfunction.

Please also develop a safety plan as a matter of priority and seek support.

Take care

Janna❤️

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