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iseehope
New Contributor

Being Married To Bipolar

This is the first time I have ever sought help from external sources, but I am lost and I need to connect with people that just 'get it'.

 

My husband of 6 years has bipolar. He has struggled on and off with a cannabis addiction. We have had many ups and downs. At this stage he is unmedicated and not looking for professional or medical intervention.

 

A week ago he left to stay with his family to 'detox' and get his mental head space right. Things seemed really great and positive until the paranoia kicked in. He had a huge episode of psychosis and paranoia about the world, my family, me and as a result said he wanted a divorce. I took it with a grain of salt. Based on the information or the stories he was convinced of, there is not a single way you could take any of what he said that night seriously. 

The following day he sent a message basically saying that it wasn't fair how he acted and he hoped I was okay. In which I said Thank you. That is all I have heard from him. He is still at his parents and apparently just getting on with life. They have said to give him distance so he can just come down and realise the errors he has made and that they will be pushing for him to go home in a few weeks. 

To say I am lost is an understatement. I don't know who or what to go to to understand how to handle this. Do I just pretend he is on a holiday? Like how can a rational person just not see or speak to their husband for a few weeks. I love him endlessly, and I don't want our marriage to be over. We were literally about to start trying to have a family. How can this all just be over like that?

 

I am looking for guidance and support. How do I navigate this? I feel like I am drowning.  

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Being Married To Bipolar

Hi @iseehope,

Welcome to the forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. Thank you for sharing your story with us, I know it isn't easy for a lot of people to share something so personal and private but please know you are in a safe space with many caring and wise members with various types of lived experience that support each other so well.

I'm really sorry to read what you and your husband are going through at the moment. I really understand how you are feeling as a close family member of mine has bipolar (was diagnosed about 20 years ago) so I know the rollercoaster you are on. My family member is on medication and has had a lot of therapy over the years (took quite a while for his professional team to get the balance right with his medication but from that side of things he is a lot better now). Before he was diagnosed (and not on medication) he was really in free-fall and it was an extremely difficult and confusing time for my family member and our family. 

It must be very hard and unsettling that he has gone to his family's but I do think it's really good that he is with his parents so that they can keep an eye on him. I do also wonder (thinking about my family member) that he may be keeping his distance from you until he can clear his head because he is concerned about saying or doing anything more that may hurt you? 

Are you still in communication with his family so you can be kept in the loop as to how your husband is getting on? Could you start out small in communicating with him e.g, sending him a text to check how he is going?

Do you have a GP you could talk and/or friends to talk to? You are going through a really difficult and confusing time and I would really encourage you to reach out for more support (great you have found us). Here is a link to some information on carers and support https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/families-carers. Also at the bottom on the forums page are links to particular topics such as bipolar if you would like some more information.

I wish you and your husband all the best - please take care of yourself.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

Re: Being Married To Bipolar

Thank you for your reply and supports links.

Initially the reason for leaving was because of this, he needed a stress free zone to do this properly and I fully support that.

Since his episode where he told me he wanted a divorce, I just don't know where I stand. His parents have been giving me updates, eg. He came over today and seemed okay etc. But as far as knowing if he is still on the divorce brain wave, I don't know. I also don't want to ask him, because I am afraid it will trigger something else. Or the stress of that will push him away further. Right now he feels like I am the source of all his problems.

His parents think I should just sit tight and wait for the storm to past. I find that super confusing and overwhelming. What happens if the storm doesn't past and I lose my husband. Urgh, I just feel so helpless.

Re: Being Married To Bipolar

I can totally understand why you are so confused and overwhelmed @iseehope - it must be so hard when you feel like you can't discuss what you husband is thinking regarding divorce because you don't want to trigger him.

I am glad that you can communicate with his parents - maybe they are right in relation to giving him some space to clear his head to think but I can imagine this must also be extremely hard for you to have to just `sit and wait'. Maybe (and I am only guessing here) his parents have suggested to wait out the storm because they have seen their son going through this type of experience before and they know that it will pass? In my family member's case I have seen him go through quite a few `storms' and they did pass so hopefully that will be the same for your husband.

I really do wish you all the best and I hope things get back on track for both of you very soon.

FloatingFeather

Re: Being Married To Bipolar

Hello @iseehope 

My husband has Bipolar 2 and other diagnosis and we have been through lots of different storms in our marriage 

And it is sometimes hard going through these storms,  so glad that your inlaws are talking to you and letting you know what they think 

Please keep on keeping on my friend,  and if you want to chat I am here for you 

What I find is helping me is these threads that you can click onto Carers Hints and tips to Success 

And also Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) 

Taking care of ourselves at these times are important,  being there for our loved ones 

What hobbies or things that you enjoy doing 

Here for you xx

@FloatingFeather 

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