14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Hi @NikNik

I am glad i am not the only one that sees the irony in the flowers, i hope @hiddenite gets a laugh when she sees them

[hiddenite]

Hey @Jacques

we have a comedian among us. Very funny I'd like to see you get 20 very loud children get measured for their costumes.

I had to take the girls to see their psychologist yesterday a two hour trip. An hour there.
So I can see how damaged they are because I was not strong enough to leave.

the legal system suxs because I never bought the police into anything he did. Im seen as being equally responsible for the trauma they have suffered.
As if I Don't feel guilty enough.
people just dont get what he would have done to us if I sought help. The system cannot protect you.

[Jacques]

Hi @hiddenite My Angel,

Yes i thought you would like it, something to make you smile.  oh i am glad it is not me measuring, too frightened by the noise.  i am sure they where a handful.

Karen, please listen the girls would be traumatised they are confused and the only blame you because they have no one else to blame.  they are angry but it will pass, i am glad you are seeking help for them now instead of letting it turn into something worse later.  the girls do not understand why and what happened so you can't expect them to be any different.  just be their for them.

Karen it has nothing to do with if you where strong enough to leave or not.  here is a scenario what if you had of left?  took the kids and moved away?  would he have allowed you to go? would he have harmed you and the girls?  what if you called the police would the abuse have stopped? Karen you had no choice but to stay, he would have harmed you and the girls, i have seen what happens on the news to women like you whom are severely abused, it does not end well.  you protected yourself and the girls as best you could under the circumstances.

i am sure when the girls get older and you let them in on a little more of what happened (if you do tell them) i am sure they will understand.  at the moment they are just trying to proccess what they are feeling as best they can.

You are a beautiful, stong, intelligent woman whom got unlucky at the lottery of life, the past is gone, only the future matters. take care my angel

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hey J
he did threaten our lives he had a rifel in the house loaded with out the safety on. There is no doubt in my mind what he would have done with it. He told me everyday.
Thats why I allowed him to do such horrific things to me so the girls were safe.

I just don't want to see it anymore. The trauma is too much I need it to stop

[Jacques]

@hiddeniteMy Angel,

That is exactly my point, you had no choice, and i am going to say it again and again until you believe it IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT he did this to you and the girls, not you, maybe this is the reason you need to go into a top private MHU to get proper treatment,  to help you deal with the attrocities he did to you.  He is gone now, you are safe, please tell yourself this, he can't hurt you or the girls now.

how are the flowers coming along? how did the dance moves go?

Karen i am here to listen any time, please feel free to confide in me, i will not betray your trust, you are special to me, and i only want you to be happy.  i know it looks like a long way off, but you are getting their step by step.

A big hug

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hey J

its just so difficult to feel safe when I have to relive the torture, and horrific injuries.

I agree I need help but if I help myself it means my girls suffer because im not home. More trauma.
so there is no win win if I help myself I hurt the girls.

I don't have options none that I can see anyway.
Thanks for the support it means a lot. Especially when I don't feel safe
karen

[hiddenite]

Hey J

is it ok if I can sit with you for a while I have my blanket maybe we could light the fire.
thanks
Karen

[Jacques]

I Know @hiddenite, My Angel,

i can never come close to how terrifying it must have been for you, but you need to take care of yourself so you can care for your daughters, it is a very tough situation you find yourself in, but you are not alone, i am here for you anytime, in time the memories become fuzzy, i know it has for me, i rememeber them but not as intence, memories are just that memories, they can't hurt you.  i am sorry i am making things difficult for you, i was just trying to help.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Karen i would like nothing more, yes a nice warm fire to let help with the past to drift away. 

I so wish i could forget my past. i am like you trapped.

I wish their was a way for me to get rid of your hurt, your pain, i wish i could take it from you so you and the girls could be happy.

[hiddenite]

J you could never make things worse for me. I am still here and fighting even when I really don't want to. Because of you. You've shown me that not all men are like my husband.
You have been so kind and compassionate, you are the only one who understands me and that helps.
J I wish I could take all your pain and bad memories away. So you can finally be at peace with yourself. I feel I ask too much of you. And don't give anything in return.
Be proud j there aren't many people as giving and not judging.

take care
karen