14th year house bound

[Appleblossom]

I noticed heaps of typos in my post .. sorry. I get that you have been put down a lot. I see a lot of it as misogynist thinking and often women, and our mothers can be the worst of all in that regard. 

I dont know exactly what happened with your husband and it doesnt really matter ..  death is a reality we cant change. 

I dont see that much justice in the world and often people dont get what they deserve.

However the situation now is that you seem to have the financial resources to provide land space and shelter for you and your daughters so if you put it into

Inspite of what I have lived I was too naive to realise that my mother's jealousy of me was going to be extremely toxic long term. My mother made me feel guilty that I could afford to buy shoes for my children and buy some soap powder that was not no name. So when eventually, my marriage split and could manage amicable financial division with two separate houses.  Instead of being glad I was going to be ok my mother betrayed me ..

I realise it was mother's betrayals as even the Catholic Church understood and gave me an annulmane tfor my marriage .. the pope apologised for the sexual abuses etc but my mother played power games to the end and beyond .. setting it up in her will .. and manipulating my sister and biological daughter and humiliating me.  I was shocked and wounded ..  I Like you am alive and for 10 years I did feel a lot like you explain yourself.

Logically I know I was not rude or deceitful and should have been much better treated by my family ..

it is why I dont dismiss your concerns about your parents meeting the treatment team.  Sorry @NikNik yes .. it seems great if kids have extra people loving them .. but .. if there is "funny business" going on then things may not be as nice in reality as they are on the surface . MH teams best not to be too naive if they think they are actually going to help a family's situation long term.

maybe you @hiddenite can make it a test of your own worthiness .. if you can renovate the place over the next 5 years ...a part at a time .. wait for things to be SOLID .. dont do too many things at once . then you have to give yourself the right that you deserve your home too .. it is not just for the kids. But in the mean time .. do it for them. It will be lonely but you will be an adult and a brave woman.

I have owned my house for 13 years .. but dont fully feel like its mine .. free to do as I please in it .. I was too damaged .. whatever .. my son has had the security and it will help his long term confidence ... sorry for long rave.

You have @Jacques to talk to in the long nights when it gets hard .. and you both will meet new people.

[Jacques]

Hi my Angel,

yes i have learned to function really well without having to have contact with anyone, the internet is a wonderful thing for people with social phobias.

please feel free to share, i don't mind, i am glad you have things organised, i think sometimes that is half the battle.

i hope you managed your appointment and the roads where not too bad.

i am so proud of you my angel, you are fighting, getting stronger every day, your girls should be so proud to have such a wonderful mum.

take care my angel

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hello my angel,

i thought you and the girls might like to see the frogs in my back yard, there is 7 adult frogs.

I hope today went well Karen, the drive was ok and you got some warmth in the car for a change.

hope to speak to you later.

take care and stay warm my angel

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Wow J that is beautiful what an amazing photo. You are so lucky to have the frogs in your backyard. My youngest loved the photo. She used to catch the frogs at home and misses it alot.

I'm really low it's so triggering having to take the girls to the psychologist. I'm exhausted and really not liking myself.

I wish I could cry but I am unable....

life is cruel and I hate it.....

[Jacques]

hello my angel,

i am glad your little one liked it, i am so sorry if it upset her, i am sure she misses her old house, but hey she will have a new home to catch frogs in, she should be excited about that.

i am sorry you are low Karen, i know what it is like, a few hours out of the house and i am buggered. have to sleep for a couple of hours.  i think it is our adrenaline going so much through the day we wear out faster than most people.

i know what it is like not to be able to cry, i thought i was the only one, make sure you sue some of your essential oils and treat yourself, you did well, i am proud of you.

i know you and i and others have been given the rough end of the stick, but we fight on, it is not fair, but we play the cards we have been given,  you are doing well my angel, you are managing to look after the girls, and you are planning the future.

make sure you give yourself some credit for the effort you have made these last few weeks. remember some days will be bad but some will be good, you and i need to cherrish the good times to make up for the bad times.

Karen try not to focus on the negative, you are a wonderful woman and excellent mother, that is all that matters.

keep safe my angel, i am by your side.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Thanks Jacques I may have to borrow a sleeping bag and a hot water bottle.

My daughter loved the photo you certainly didn't upset her.

good night my friend sleep well
karen

[hiddenite]

Hi jaqcues

hope the weather is better where you are still raining and cold.

I have to go to the bank today to organize what I need for the house. Really anxious having to speak to them. I feel exhausted after the girls appointment yesterday.

I hope you got to spend some time in the garden yesterday.

Thanks for the photos they arr awesome you are so lucky.

I still havent managed to change my avitar yet because it said I couldn't change it using my mobile. So I'll have to try the tablet.

Enjoy your day j thinking of you
Karen

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel Karen,

well it is another day, the sun is shining here, a few clouds, but the cool weather seems to be at it's last, we have a warmer weekend so onto some more gardening for me.

how are the house plans going, have you chosen a colour for the inside of the house?  how are you getting on with the electricity and phone, etc?

if you need help on how to use the electricity companies web site, tell me what company you are going to go through and i will tell you how to do it online, ok?

well not much to report, rooster is makeing a racket, but otherwise very quiet day.

take care and stay warm my angel

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Oh J stop teasing me I cant remember when we last had a sunny day.

Ive been to the bank thats about all im going to manage today.

The man in the bank had the same aftershave as my husband.
Huge panic attack hard to breathe ,chest pains and shaking uncontrollable.

I really hate this im so exhausted.
Karen

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel,

oh yes it is amazing what triggers us, i have the same thing, aftershave (my fathers), smell of pine, (anxiety from being force fed at primary school), detol (from hospital where dad died) their are so many things that trigger us.  we just need to make sure we remember we are safe.

this is our life Karen, we just have to take each day as it comes, but hey you managed to stay in the bank, so you are fighting it.  have a rest now, have a treat, and enjoy the scenery around you, focus on the here and now.

i am here if you want to talk

Jacques