Lived Experience Forum

[chookmojo]

I have recently started working with a Personal Trainer to help get me back into regular exercise - something that has all kinds of significant benefits for me.

She wants me to come up with a list of ways to 'reward' myself for when I put in good effort on my goals, and has prompted me to the realisation that I REALLY struggle with the concept of healthy rewards.

Typically my dea of a reward will be junkfood, recreational drugs and a day off work (preferably in combination, oh my!). Clearly this is NOT the sort of thing she is aiming for, and just as clearly is not the healthiest approach for me to be taking. Really it explains a lot, now that I am looking at it like this for the first time! Oh dear.

My problem is that I have social and generalised anxiety (flaring up just at the moment, so I am less resourceful than usual) and very introverted - as a result I am highly avoidant and also have tailored my life to be as non-stimulating, and self contained as possible.

Things people usually suggest as  'rewards' (eg go to a movie, get a massage) are things I would find highly stressful and more likely to be a punishment; or, on the other end of the spectrum things like 'buy a book or a dvd' are just naturally a  part of everyday life for me, they don't have the status of a reward. I don't want to arbitrarily ration my books so that they take on the form of being a reward, to me again, this just seems like a punishment to reduce access to something when I currently have free access .

Some things are appealing but are too expensive to really function as a reward as they would require long term saving up. I mean that can still work, but it is not as efficient at reinforcement as more regular smaller rewards.

Anyhow it has been eye opening for me to realise that I don't have a very good/healthy rewards system in place, and no wonder the less-than-ideal rewards I have are my staples because so little else fits the bill.

Not especially looking for suggestions (I will almost certainly have a objection to most things for one reason or another, that's the problem, and I don't ant anyone to feel slighted) - but was wondering how others handled the concept of rewards and if anyone else struggles with having healthy rewards, or if you have rewards that really work for you what they are, and more importantly why they work for you?

[-karma-]

Hi @chookmojo

I guess you're taking about extrinsic rewards, and how these can be used to motivate us. There are some interesting studies on this, and who/what type of personality (traits) extrinsic rewards appeal to. You might like to explore this, and work out what motivates you?

On the other hand, I think the reward, as you mentioned, is the benefits regular exercise offers!

[chookmojo]

Thank you for the prompt - it has been fascinating reading and make so much sense! 

I was really struggling to explain to my PT that prioritising my health and devoting funds to pay for training was a huge reward for me in and of itself, as well as the fact that (though I often find it challenging to make myself DO it) I LOVE to work out find it incredibly rewarding.

There was a real commincation breakdown around this concept, and also the concept of my goals for training. I ended up having to have a talk with her and she has now backed off what I consider to be the extraneous stuff and focussing on the training itself now. Much happier.

[NikNik]

Oh wow! Reading this really inspired me! Inspired both by @-karma- 's insight and also @chookmojo speaking up to the PT (who probably learnt a lot too!)

Thanks both for sharing!

[-karma-]

Happy

[chookmojo]

I think the most important take away from this for me was that: she didn't mind at all.

I had built this 'we need to talk' into a HUGE thing that gave me terrible anxiety, but in the end she was all about making sure I got what I needed from the sessions, and if I found something counterproductive, well that is why I am working with a professional - because they know their stuff and have flexible approaches that can work in with all kinds of people with all kinds of goals.

I am doing heaps better this week, much less anxiety, and my workouts are going better now that my head is focussed on what I am doing, instead of feeling pressured to work on goals just because I felt these goals were expected of me. And of course this frees up my emotional energy to the point where I CAN actually think about those goals. Love that catch 22.

[kristin]

Well done @chookmojo !

Thanks so much for the update!

[Deano-]

Hi @chookmojo.

According to my opinion the best way to reward yourself to do which you like very much. You go out and spent the whole day with yourself and eat  your favourite food and celebrate your sucess.