Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone<br>I was taken to hospital on Tuesday morning with asthma high temp and heart rate. Later transferred to private hospital for s day or two hooked up on antibiotic fluid. Had severe reaction to antibiotic with very bad diarrhoea. Waiting for results to come back to then get right medication. I feel crap, sore throat wheezy chest, dry cough and still need-high temp. <br>But yesterday I was really down. It was my sons birthday and I was hoping to be home. He and his girlfriend decided to go out for dinner and invited hubby and my 2 other kids and his girlfriends family. So they were all out having a nice dinner and cake and photos. My husband sent me the photo and that's when I lost it. I felt like a really bad mum; I should have been there and I wasn't. They all could have waited until I came home again. I was so upset the nurse caught me crying and sat with me for a while and then gave me a tablet to help sleep. <br>I felt so unloved. My depression was so bad. Actually the day before I lost it and the nurse called upstairs where mental health unit is (I stayed there last year) and a nurse came to see me. She said she tell my psych. Had then left a msg to my ward to say he was coming to see me - but he never did. Why the hell did he say he was coming. I was waiting. Now I feel rejected and abandoned. <br>I am in great hospital all the staff are aware of my MI.

[Drac0]

Hi @BlueBay, sorry to hear about how you're struggling right now, even being in hospital.

You're not a bad mum. It is disappointing that you missed your sons birthday, but you really need to be more concerned with your own health & well-being right now. As much as we may wish it's hard for people to put their lives on hold for someone else. Most people like to celebrate on the day, guess they didn't realise how it would affect you.

No idea why the psych didn't come & can understand why you would feel so let down after expecting him.

For now, please just try to get yourself healthy, at least physically. Your own well-being should be your major focus right now, not issues that are beyond your control. I hope you're well enough to go home very soon. Sounds like at least the hospital is treating you well.

Please take care.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Drac0
You're right I am a good mum!! I try so hard.
I know my son prob wanted to celebrate his birthday on the day. And I'm sure he didn't even think about not doing it. It's ok I'm ok about it. I know My health is more important than anything else at the moment. Once I'm physically better I can then work on other stuff. You're so right😊

[BlueBay]

Feeling alone and down. Just feel crap. Wish there was someone on here to talk to. ☹

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay,

If you're feeling really alone and like you'd like to chat with someone, is it worth joining in on the Night Shift post, here?

I hope your night picks up!

[Drac0]

Just checking to see how you're traveling @BlueBay. Hope you're felling better physically & emotionally.

Take care.

[BlueBay]

Thanks Drac0. I'm going home today. Everything is slowly settling down. My psych did call in today, we spoke for a little while and I'm seeing him in 2 weeks time.
I think I've realised that I can't go into the MHU each time I have a crisis. He said I've been coping well without my parents and I should be proud of that. I can see what he means but it still hurts that I can't see my dad. This I need to let go of - trouble is I don't know how because the pain is too painful.

[Drac0]

Glad to hear you're off home today @BlueBay. Pity the time you had there wasn't as restful & relaxing as it might have been.

It is sad & painful that someone you want in your life is under the influence of someone you think you can do without. A very difficult situation with no easy answer. Yes, you are coping, but it doesn't mean the pain is any less.

Please don't feel you have to do everything for everyone the moment you get home. You are probably still recovering and your own well-being needs to come first. Let them do some things for you instead this time. You might just get used to it. 🙂

Take care.

[BlueBay]

Hey Drac0
I miss my dad so much and no matter how many people tell me to let go and move on - I just can't. I feel like I'm the child again who wants their dad so so much. Tears are flowing. I just want a hug.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @BlueBay

Glad you are well enough to go home. 

Hope you can have a quite moment sharing love with your son.  Sometimes that can be nicer than the big birthday bash.

We all want love and to be able to give love.  That is part of human nature(along with a few more troublesome aspects.) My family was not very loving and it took me a very long while to process it and be able to tell myself accept it as it is.  I just kept wanting it to be better, and turning myself into a pretzel to try and fix things.

Take care