Hi @Corny
It’s so lovely to hear from you - thank you so much for your care and understanding 
Absolutely Living with mental health conditions takes an incredible amount of stamina and I seem to spend the majority of my time trying to regulate my emotions and stay within my window of tolerance!
After a lot of trial and error and participating in therapy with sixteen different Therapists (honestly at one stage I was going through Therapists like undies 
) I’ve finally found someone amazing! We’ve been working together for five years now and I can honestly say that I don’t know what I would do without her She’s the first person who truly understands what’s happening for me and just knowing that there’s someone in my life who ‘gets me’ provides a sense of comfort and relief that’s almost impossible to describe
Just from the parts of your story what you’ve shared with me, I knew that your mum lived with schizophrenia and I could really hear your anger and frustration in relation to how this particular mental health condition impacted her life Somewhere along the way I got my wires crossed and I thought that you were also living with schizophrenia - I’m so sorry for my misunderstanding and thank you so much for clarifying this for me
I’m so sorry to hear that there was a time in your life when you experienced a psychotic break It can be absolutely terrifying when something suddenly changes in our bodies and we find ourselves behaving in ways that are completely out of our control and beyond our understanding. I’m so pleased that you were able to share your experiences with Doctor Kindness and just from what you’ve described, he sounds incredibly insightful and considered in terms of how he conceptualised your experience
Listening to the part of your story where you shared ‘but when you've been really sick and been in hospital a long time, you start to not care what the diagnosis is, you just want the treatment to work’ really resonated with me. Some years ago now, there was a time in my life when my treating specialist could have diagnosed me with anything and I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid as the only thing that I cared about, was that the person sitting in front of me knew how to help me and guide me out of the darkness.
In my experience, living with anger takes an incredible amount of energy and I often feel exhausted from putting out spot fires and / or trying to take care of all of the things that trigger me before the inevitable happens and I explode! I felt really intrigued when you shared that it’s important to have a ‘holistic approach’ to anger and as such, I just ever so gently wondered what this looks like for you?
It would be so difficult to hold space for ‘little Corny’ when you’re not only grieving the death of your mum, but you’re also facing your own mortality and the mortality of everyone who you love In my experience, facing our own mortality and the mortality of the people who we love can be an incredibly poignant and painful reminder about the fragility of life. As I listened to this part of your story, I could really appreciate how specific events in your mum’s life have impacted you and guided the way in which you’re currently living your life
We’ve been having a few storms here too with some rather impressive lightning displays! The other day, we had a storm and just as the skies began to clear, I saw the most beautiful rainbow I absolutely love rainbows and it seems extraordinary that two simple ingredients (rain and sunshine) can create something so spectacular
Please know that I’m still thinking of you and holding you gently in my thoughts
Take kind and gentle care of yourself,
ShiningStar
